トイレはどこですか。

One of the first things I learned in Japanese was how to ask where the bathroom is, "Toire wa doko desu ka?" When I got to my new apartment I was pretty surprised and impressed to find this:

Before I get into the details, there's a tangential story that must be told. If you notice, I don't have toilet paper in this picture. A box of household items provided by the company I'm working for was due to arrive on my second day. Thus, for the first night they provided a package of 20 or so individual use tissue packs (like the ones you might throw in your purse. The sign next to the tissues said that they were providing them to avoid "a crisis." I couldn't help but laugh at that one. I mean yes, I wanted tp, otherwise I would have had to go out and get my own. I just thought the word usage was cute and comical.

Toilets here have all kinds of ridiculous features. First of all, when I get close to my toilet a fan starts. The seat is always warm. There is a remote on the side with additional things you can do. There's a bidet spray or a more general spray. The water is warm and you can adjust it on the remote. There's also a stop button. On some toilets there's a music note button. I thought maybe it would play a song, but it plays a digital flushing sound.

I like the water saving features the most. There are two kinds of flushes: 1. a small flush, 2. a big flush. Once you flush the water starts to flow out of the faucet on the top into the sink on the top of the tank. The tank fills and you can wash your hands.

I tried to explain this on the hello happy line but apparently some people just didn't get it.

I've been really nice about the messages I've been getting. I don't want to discourage anyone from calling. I like the bizarre ones, I love the artsy poetic ones, even the kid with an addiction problem was awesome, but these two... who are these people? I'm up for listening to just about anything, but... the guy is the worst. Are they on drugs? Are people that bored?

If anyone is so bored that they want to call and leave a ten minute message like that one, I suggest watching some Japanese television instead.

the last 2 min. are the best.